Honesty

 “I’m not a coward, I’ve just never been tested; I’d like to think that if I was, I would pass.” – The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, The Impression That I Get

Lots of comments on the blog and fb on recent posts, lots of kind words and platitudes, and it certainly helps me to share these things the boys and I are going thru.  I hope others can find something useful in these conversations, too, that’s the beauty and the whole point of the blog.

But please, I am nothing extraordinary, I’m not doing anything that every one of us wouldn’t do, and I’m certainly no saint!  Those who really know me know my ornery, stubborn, opinionated and wild sides, and you are familiar with the struggles and demons that are safely edited from public consumption.  That’s the beauty and the fallacy of today’s electronic social media, we can edit our personas.  Brad Paisley sums it up nicely when he sings “I’m so much cooler online.” 

When I screw up the courage I will address some of the less than pleasant issues – I have to at some point, that is the only way to work thru these things.  I’ve learned the hard way that you’ve got to be totally honest with yourself.  So many issues I have chosen not to address – regrets, anger, mistakes I am not proud of; perhaps someday these will be posted.   Or maybe they will only be shared with the closest of friends around a campfire, or during the inevitable meltdown, I don’t know.

But one thing I do know – we will all be tested at some point in our lives; that’s a given.  What is different for me this time is that I’ve finally recognized, right now in the present while I am going through it, that these tests are opportunities to grow.  This little shift has made a big difference.  I’m lucky to know a few people who already know this, and Debbie, bless her heart, certainly knew it. 

Perhaps someday I will even view these events as necessary, maybe even as gifts.  It seems an ocean between then and now, though…

The Bosstones sing apropos now…

Have you ever been close to tragedy or been close to folks who have?

Have you ever felt a pain so powerful so heavy you collapse?

 

No? Well…I never had to knock on wood, but I know someone who has

Which makes me wonder if I could, it makes me wonder if

I never had to knock on wood, And I’m glad I haven’t yet

Because I’m sure it isn’t good, that’s the impression that I get.

 

Have you ever had the odds stacked up so high you need a strength most don’t possess?

Or has it ever come down to do or die you’ve got to rise above the rest?

 

I’m not a coward, I’ve just never been tested

I’d like to think that if I was, I would pass

Look at the tested and think there but for the grace go I

Might be a coward, I’m afraid of what I might find out.

 

I’ve never had to knock on wood, but I know someone who has

Which makes me wonder if I could, it makes me wonder if

I’ve never had to knock on wood, and I’m glad I haven’t yet

Because I’m sure it isn’t good, that’s the impression that I get.

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One thought on “Honesty

  1. The honesty of one of my beautiful Debbie’s last comment is in my head and heart forever!

    “i;m alive now, and it’s beautiful!” If we all lived every day with that in our hearts it would be beautiful! Even in the face of death she was able to think that this was important. Even in the face of our every day ups and downs if we can just remember that “Life is BEAUTIFUL”

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